when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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