Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
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They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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