The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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