All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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