Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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