After last night, I could never be a politician.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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