Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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