so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize