1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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