I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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