I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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