I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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