we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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