I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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