I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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