we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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