just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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