sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
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I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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