I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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