but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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