shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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