My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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