ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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