so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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