At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
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of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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