I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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