Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize