I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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