you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i think i just lost a toe
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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