dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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