I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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