party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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