I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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