Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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