what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize