Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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