I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize