You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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