How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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