fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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