I accidentally burped into my bong.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I need moral support for this bender
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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