i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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