this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
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She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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