can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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