i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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