Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
operation harelip BJ is a go
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize