i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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