his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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