i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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