so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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